I'm proud to be hosting the Netherworld Tune Television awards right here at my pub. I love all the bands that play here but my money is on Death Cheese for the Loudest and/or Least Talented. (Photo courtesy Asinine News Archives)
The Flavor of Axe 13: Skanks Gone Wild
by Ugly GraceHello Metal Fans! Ugly Grace here and I'm so proud that the UNDEAD executives have chosen my pub to be the place where the Netherworld's coolest Metal acts will compete for various SPAMMY awards on FOGNL subsidiary Netherworld Tune Television, aka NTV-666. Soggy really wants to win a SPAMMY, and to celebrate he's helping prepare some of his favorite Spam dishes. The Spooky Guy told the Spawns that it would help build character for them to get in the kitchen and help Soggy cook. So while I thank Spooky for keeping the Spawn slime out of my bar, now my kitchen is all slimy, and smells like Spam. But I guess that's the price you have to pay for hosting a rocking event with Death Cheese as the headlining act.
Coincidentally, one of the NTT awards will be Sexiest Groupie. Can you say "Sexism?" Oh...I guess they'll be choosing a "Sexiest Groupie" in male, female and he-she. I'd say Murry Magdalene is a shoo-in for the he-she category. I really don't care who wins in the female category, but I'm sure looking forward to watching those Happy Wiener hotties compete in the Male category! I suppose more than half of them are gay but damn--they sure are nice to look at!
Axe Man told his ladies that he was going to give an award of a special one-on-one date to the winner of his own Sexiest Groupie competition. Most of the NTT judges were ready to ogle the bimbos...I mean, gals. And the gals were ready to strut their stuff. All but Hortense. And she asked if she could borrow my phone.
"Gracie, I need to make a real important phone call," she said, and she had a very concerned look on her face. If she weren't a zombie, I'd think the call was to Dr. Schitz due to her being pregnant by Axe Man. Of course it's been speculated that Lammy would know all about that. Then again, Axe Man is himself the offspring of a zombie and a satanically immortalized stumble-bum executioner. So who knows? Maybe Hortense does have a little half-undead bun in the oven. I wanted to listen in but I was curious about how Flowering Kudzu would make a fool of herself. So I half listened and half watched Kudzu's surprisingly family-oriented rump-shaking act with a song she just wrote and a video that was produced by King Smut.
Is it scary that King Smut was able to make a family oriented video? I kind of think so!
Overall, I was actually pretty impressed. I think Axe Man won't mind Kudzu including her kids in the video but I'm not sure how he's going to feel about all the kids' fathers except for him being in there! Not to be outclassed by Kudzu, Lammy performed a series of artistic nude poses to a song called "Tears For The Sheep" by a rap group called Atmosphere while Pablo Picante sketched her.
Lammy was cool in this picture--literally.
Interesting...I'm not sure how keen Axe Man was on it though. He was pretty interested in Lammy being naked at first but when she didn't strut around like a tramp, he lifted his butt cheek and ripped loose with a big fart before ordering a double shot of Wild Turkey.
The next act featured the three zombie girls performing to the cliche zombie favorite, Thriller.
Hortense, Veronica and Xantha strut their stuff to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Ya know, Jacko looked pretty creepy even back in the day, but not as creepy as he does now. Who's with me that he's an Undead?
I have to admit, I was pretty impressed. Axe Man didn't seem to be. He ordered a bowl of the house special triple bean chili and a liter of beer. I told my bartenders to get the sextuple strength exhaust fans ready for the 666 megaton farts that were bound to be the result.
I told the ladies what a great job they did. Veronica told me that she and her sister Veruca had been two of the original dancers in the video. Which was interesting the first time she told me. Not so interesting the third and downright annoying the tenth. Xantha said she was hungry. I told her that Soggy probably would give her some Spam. She just made a face.
"Spam wimp food! Need human flesh!" she said.
Hortense kept looking out the window. Had she possibly been calling Steak Thru The Heart to deliver? And if so, what the hell did she order to have been on the phone so long? And why was it taking them so long to deliver when they're just across the street? I swear that place sucks!
While I was fuming over the existence of Steak Through the Heart and contemplating on sticking pins into a voodoo doll of Rotten Ralph (he really is a dog!) Bootz did what Bootz does.
And now for something completely the same. Bootz does her booty dance...again...for the millionth time.
What else but the Bootz booty dance? Yawn. Axe seemed to like it though. He took her up to that apartment above my pub that Lammy rents sometimes and had her do it for him in private.
Brandi wasn't going to let the private moment between Axe and Bootz stay private, however. So she went up to the apartment and distracted Axe with this little bit of talentless butt-wiggling.
Brandi does her own tired booty dance. Double yawn!
Which resulted in a cat fight and Axe hurling from having eaten too much chili and drunk too much Wild Turkey.
While I did what any good pub owner would do for a member of her biggest crowd-drawing act and helped Axe Man clean himself up after his moment of puking, it became apparent that Bootz and Brandi weren't finished. They went back downstairs and were fighting onstage!
Bootz and Brandi duke it out to win Axe's affections
Bootz won, both at the booty dance and in the fight.
I know that Brittney thinks it would be better for Black Metal Tinkerbell if she was ousted from the contest, but it would sure be great for Death Cheese if she was the one Axe chose. That fairy dust of hers is like magic Alka Seltzer! Axe was back to his old self in no time!
Dusty Doggy dug up this video of Black Metal Tinkerbell practicing her act for the Tiny Tim House fundraiser
Oh dear--I think that Tink is going to lose all her credibility when Brittney sees this video of her practicing her Xmahannuramakwanzyule dance that just surfaced.
Tink and I took Axe back to the pub to get ready for the contest. The lame-o best groupie judges chose Brandi as their favorite. That may be because it was Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx' birthday and as a present Axe invited him to be on the show, and Nikki tends to like the busty blonde type. I wonder who Axe will choose as his favorite?
Everything was going crazy! Soggy and the Spawns were serving up all sorts of Spam concoctions. The floor was slick with slime. The stage was slick with slime. Only Ectoplasm Attack and Death Cheese were able to maintain their footing because The Spooky Guy long ago figured out how to combat the Soggy slime trails--wear suction cups on your shoes!
Buzzoff was so star-struck he could hardly speak when he invited fellow bassist Nikki Sixx onstage to jam with Death Cheese and Nikki accepted. Fortunately, because he was wearing earplugs, Nikki didn't really notice how badly Death Cheese managed to mutilate Motley Crue's song, Too Young To Fall In Love. He just got into his own zone and did his thing.
The other members of Motley Crue show up in time to rescue their song from complete obliteration
Fortunately for Nikki, the other members of his band showed up fashionably late for his birthday party and jumped onstage to join in. The people from Fu King Chinese Restaurant came over and things got pretty crazy.
The NTT gave me an award for being the Most Rockin' Dive Bar in the Netherworld. I was so proud! Brandi won the Hottest Female Groupie award (whoo--big fat surprise!) Murry Magdalene won the Hottest He-She Groupie Award (Again, gee, what a shock!) and Quetzal-Pretzel, the Aztec stud from the Happy Wiener and Evil Ed's House of Hotties won the Hottest Male Groupie award.
Quetzal-Pretzel struts his fully-clothed stuff. Usually he takes it off to such tunes as "I'm Too Sexy."
That Quetzal-Pretzel is sure a hunk! Unfortunately watching guys like that sometimes makes me clumsy and I dropped the tray of drink glasses I was carrying to the bar. When I bent down to pick up the mess, I happened to glance under the table. And now I knew for sure that no-one but Brandi possibly could have won the Hottest Female Groupie award. She was under the table giving the judges the payoff.
Brandi makes the judges' day
"Oh for...STOP THAT!!!" I shouted. "This isn't a sex club, it's a NIGHTCLUB! Maybe you need to get your ears examined! Or rent a brain! Or something! But at least take that schlong out of your mouth and put your damn clothes on!"
"Don't even think about it!" a regal voice boomed. And King Smut stepped through the door, accompanied by Dr. Fraud's assistant Dr. Asmoday.
King Smut asks one of the cooks from Fu King's place if she's legal to appear in his upcoming production "Fortune Cookies and Cream of Sum Yung Gy."
"Dr. Asmoday!" Hortense shrieked, running over to hug the surprised shrink. "Oh, I'm so glad y'all came! I didn't know if y'all were gonna and I was miserable as a flea on a dead dog. I called y'all over an hour ago. Things shore is crazy in this here place. I bet y'all could drum up a lot of business iffen y'all jest stick around a few minutes."
"I was in session with King Smut," Dr. Asmoday said. "When our session was over I checked my messages and we came right over. You're right, it really is nuts in here. What's going on?"
"Oh, some award cery-mony fer one of them thar music shows," Hortense said, and I couldn't help but notice how she was looking at Dr. Asmoday as if he was the only man in the room, or maybe the entire Universe. "I guess it's a SPAMMY award and that's howcome Soggy made all that thar Spam. Now Spam's purty dang good, but iffen y'all don't like Spam I bet we can find y'all somethin' else in the kitchen. Oh, Dr. Asmoday, I ain't bin able to stop thinkin' 'bout y'all, ever since I seen ya fer that there psychy-logical assessin' thingy we done on the last show. I wanted to call y'all afore, but I lost my nerve. I bin drawin' a bunch of them thar pictures fer y'all to look at. That shore was fun! Would y'all like to see 'em later?"
"Sure, Hortense," Dr. Asmoday said. "But I have to tell you that I can't be your therapist."
"Why the heck not?" Hortense demanded, looking dejected. "I thought you an' me clicked jest like a key in a padlock!"
"Well, that's why I can't be your therapist, Hortense. It's because of my personal feelings for you. I never thought I'd feel like this for an Undead, but you're a very special Undead. I wanted to bring you some flowers, but I knew there wouldn't be any place to put them. So I had them sent to your cousin's farm for you."
"Oh, Dr. Asmoday, y'all are the best!" Hortense squealed, throwing her arms around the shrink. Normally I would have thought it was a very touching scene. But I was pretty put out. After all, there was now a porno movie being filmed in my pub.
"Dr. Asmoday, I think I need to make an appointment," I said. "What's going on here today is really scarring my psyche."
With that I grabbed a bottle of Olde Rot Gut off the bar and took a big swig. Death Cheese kept playing as Axe Man leaped into the audience, swinging his axe. I swear he's an oblivious cuss! He didn't even seem to notice Brandi performing for King Smut's cameras right in front of everybody. But he did notice Hortense cuddling up to Dr. Asmoday. He charged towards the hapless shrink, swinging his axe. I popped him on the head with the bottle of Olde Rot Gut.
"Axe, I think maybe you need to do eliminations now," I said.
"Whoa! What hit Axe?" Axe Man asked.
"I don't know, Axe," I said. "Here, have a swig of Olde Rot Gut and get back onstage to do eliminations."
"Grace love Axe," Axe Man said, kissing my cheek. "Grace give Axe Olde Rot Gut."
"That's right, Axe," I said. "Now be a good boy and hop back on that stage and don't try to kill my customers, all right? It's bad for business."
Death Cheese wrapped up their song "Gratuitous Destruction" and Axe announced that it was time for eliminations.
"First Axe go to Xantha," Axe Man said. "Some people say that Xantha just want to make meal of Axe, but there something really hot about Xantha. You come get Axe."
I swear, Xantha is to The Flavor of Axe what Lacey was to the Rock of Love. The evil, flesh-eating bitch who nobody knows why the show's star thinks the sun rises and sets from her ass. Well, all right, I don't actually have proof that Lacey eats human flesh, but she does go into Steak Through the Heart with Arsewipe quite often. And she's so evil that I certainly wouldn't put it past her. But with Axe, what will it take him to see that Xantha is only interested in his meat, and I don't mean that in the pornographic King Smut kind of way!
"Next axe go to Black Metal Tinkerbell. Tink cure Axe headache. She always there for Axe. Tink, you come get axe now."
"Next axe go to Flowering Kudzu. Kudzu one hot mama! You come get axe."
"Next axe go to Brandi. Brandi NTV favorite groupie and one of Axe favorite groupies too. You come get axe."
"Next axe for Veronica. You really good dancer. You come get axe."
"Next axe for Bootz. Booty dance always good but Bootz have bad temper. Shouldn't hit Brandi. Still, you come get axe."
"One axe left but two girls. This real confusing. Lammy, good ass! But artsy fartsy posing not hot. Still, at least you not slobbering all over dumb psychiatrist man. You come get axe. And now, Hortense, heads going to roll."
I hit Axe Man in the head with the bottle of Olde Rot Gut again.
"Sorry, Buddy, not in my pub they aren't," I said.
Axe forgot everything a minute later as he grabbed the bottle of Olde Rot Gut and chugged down the remaining contents in one swig.
"Axe have big treat for audience," he said. "Now we have Nikki Sixx here for birthday with his band Motley Crue and they gonna jam with Death Cheese till closing time. Axe have new song I just think of a minute ago. It called 'Cheating Bitch.' So let me start and rest of band join in. One, two...uh..."
"THREE!" I shouted.
Death Cheese did win the SPAMMY awards for Loudest Band and Least Talented Band as well as Craziest Stage Show and Best Partiers. I'll have to shut down for a week to renovate because my pub was half-destroyed, but the 6,666,666,666 Quatloos I pulled plus the 666,666 Quatloo payoff that King Smut gave me for allowing him to film his dirty movie in my pub more than covered the repairs and I was 6,666,666 Quatloos ahead. Some people may put them down as talentless hacks, but I really love Death Cheese. Out of all the bands I feature they're definitely the biggest draw.
Ugly Grace
Axe Man told his ladies that he was going to give an award of a special one-on-one date to the winner of his own Sexiest Groupie competition. Most of the NTT judges were ready to ogle the bimbos...I mean, gals. And the gals were ready to strut their stuff. All but Hortense. And she asked if she could borrow my phone.
"Gracie, I need to make a real important phone call," she said, and she had a very concerned look on her face. If she weren't a zombie, I'd think the call was to Dr. Schitz due to her being pregnant by Axe Man. Of course it's been speculated that Lammy would know all about that. Then again, Axe Man is himself the offspring of a zombie and a satanically immortalized stumble-bum executioner. So who knows? Maybe Hortense does have a little half-undead bun in the oven. I wanted to listen in but I was curious about how Flowering Kudzu would make a fool of herself. So I half listened and half watched Kudzu's surprisingly family-oriented rump-shaking act with a song she just wrote and a video that was produced by King Smut.
Is it scary that King Smut was able to make a family oriented video? I kind of think so!
Overall, I was actually pretty impressed. I think Axe Man won't mind Kudzu including her kids in the video but I'm not sure how he's going to feel about all the kids' fathers except for him being in there! Not to be outclassed by Kudzu, Lammy performed a series of artistic nude poses to a song called "Tears For The Sheep" by a rap group called Atmosphere while Pablo Picante sketched her.
Lammy was cool in this picture--literally.
Interesting...I'm not sure how keen Axe Man was on it though. He was pretty interested in Lammy being naked at first but when she didn't strut around like a tramp, he lifted his butt cheek and ripped loose with a big fart before ordering a double shot of Wild Turkey.
The next act featured the three zombie girls performing to the cliche zombie favorite, Thriller.
Hortense, Veronica and Xantha strut their stuff to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Ya know, Jacko looked pretty creepy even back in the day, but not as creepy as he does now. Who's with me that he's an Undead?
I have to admit, I was pretty impressed. Axe Man didn't seem to be. He ordered a bowl of the house special triple bean chili and a liter of beer. I told my bartenders to get the sextuple strength exhaust fans ready for the 666 megaton farts that were bound to be the result.
I told the ladies what a great job they did. Veronica told me that she and her sister Veruca had been two of the original dancers in the video. Which was interesting the first time she told me. Not so interesting the third and downright annoying the tenth. Xantha said she was hungry. I told her that Soggy probably would give her some Spam. She just made a face.
"Spam wimp food! Need human flesh!" she said.
Hortense kept looking out the window. Had she possibly been calling Steak Thru The Heart to deliver? And if so, what the hell did she order to have been on the phone so long? And why was it taking them so long to deliver when they're just across the street? I swear that place sucks!
While I was fuming over the existence of Steak Through the Heart and contemplating on sticking pins into a voodoo doll of Rotten Ralph (he really is a dog!) Bootz did what Bootz does.
And now for something completely the same. Bootz does her booty dance...again...for the millionth time.
What else but the Bootz booty dance? Yawn. Axe seemed to like it though. He took her up to that apartment above my pub that Lammy rents sometimes and had her do it for him in private.
Brandi wasn't going to let the private moment between Axe and Bootz stay private, however. So she went up to the apartment and distracted Axe with this little bit of talentless butt-wiggling.
Brandi does her own tired booty dance. Double yawn!
Which resulted in a cat fight and Axe hurling from having eaten too much chili and drunk too much Wild Turkey.
While I did what any good pub owner would do for a member of her biggest crowd-drawing act and helped Axe Man clean himself up after his moment of puking, it became apparent that Bootz and Brandi weren't finished. They went back downstairs and were fighting onstage!
Bootz and Brandi duke it out to win Axe's affections
Bootz won, both at the booty dance and in the fight.
I know that Brittney thinks it would be better for Black Metal Tinkerbell if she was ousted from the contest, but it would sure be great for Death Cheese if she was the one Axe chose. That fairy dust of hers is like magic Alka Seltzer! Axe was back to his old self in no time!
Dusty Doggy dug up this video of Black Metal Tinkerbell practicing her act for the Tiny Tim House fundraiser
Oh dear--I think that Tink is going to lose all her credibility when Brittney sees this video of her practicing her Xmahannuramakwanzyule dance that just surfaced.
Tink and I took Axe back to the pub to get ready for the contest. The lame-o best groupie judges chose Brandi as their favorite. That may be because it was Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx' birthday and as a present Axe invited him to be on the show, and Nikki tends to like the busty blonde type. I wonder who Axe will choose as his favorite?
Everything was going crazy! Soggy and the Spawns were serving up all sorts of Spam concoctions. The floor was slick with slime. The stage was slick with slime. Only Ectoplasm Attack and Death Cheese were able to maintain their footing because The Spooky Guy long ago figured out how to combat the Soggy slime trails--wear suction cups on your shoes!
Buzzoff was so star-struck he could hardly speak when he invited fellow bassist Nikki Sixx onstage to jam with Death Cheese and Nikki accepted. Fortunately, because he was wearing earplugs, Nikki didn't really notice how badly Death Cheese managed to mutilate Motley Crue's song, Too Young To Fall In Love. He just got into his own zone and did his thing.
The other members of Motley Crue show up in time to rescue their song from complete obliteration
Fortunately for Nikki, the other members of his band showed up fashionably late for his birthday party and jumped onstage to join in. The people from Fu King Chinese Restaurant came over and things got pretty crazy.
The NTT gave me an award for being the Most Rockin' Dive Bar in the Netherworld. I was so proud! Brandi won the Hottest Female Groupie award (whoo--big fat surprise!) Murry Magdalene won the Hottest He-She Groupie Award (Again, gee, what a shock!) and Quetzal-Pretzel, the Aztec stud from the Happy Wiener and Evil Ed's House of Hotties won the Hottest Male Groupie award.
Quetzal-Pretzel struts his fully-clothed stuff. Usually he takes it off to such tunes as "I'm Too Sexy."
That Quetzal-Pretzel is sure a hunk! Unfortunately watching guys like that sometimes makes me clumsy and I dropped the tray of drink glasses I was carrying to the bar. When I bent down to pick up the mess, I happened to glance under the table. And now I knew for sure that no-one but Brandi possibly could have won the Hottest Female Groupie award. She was under the table giving the judges the payoff.
Brandi makes the judges' day
"Oh for...STOP THAT!!!" I shouted. "This isn't a sex club, it's a NIGHTCLUB! Maybe you need to get your ears examined! Or rent a brain! Or something! But at least take that schlong out of your mouth and put your damn clothes on!"
"Don't even think about it!" a regal voice boomed. And King Smut stepped through the door, accompanied by Dr. Fraud's assistant Dr. Asmoday.
King Smut asks one of the cooks from Fu King's place if she's legal to appear in his upcoming production "Fortune Cookies and Cream of Sum Yung Gy."
"Dr. Asmoday!" Hortense shrieked, running over to hug the surprised shrink. "Oh, I'm so glad y'all came! I didn't know if y'all were gonna and I was miserable as a flea on a dead dog. I called y'all over an hour ago. Things shore is crazy in this here place. I bet y'all could drum up a lot of business iffen y'all jest stick around a few minutes."
"I was in session with King Smut," Dr. Asmoday said. "When our session was over I checked my messages and we came right over. You're right, it really is nuts in here. What's going on?"
"Oh, some award cery-mony fer one of them thar music shows," Hortense said, and I couldn't help but notice how she was looking at Dr. Asmoday as if he was the only man in the room, or maybe the entire Universe. "I guess it's a SPAMMY award and that's howcome Soggy made all that thar Spam. Now Spam's purty dang good, but iffen y'all don't like Spam I bet we can find y'all somethin' else in the kitchen. Oh, Dr. Asmoday, I ain't bin able to stop thinkin' 'bout y'all, ever since I seen ya fer that there psychy-logical assessin' thingy we done on the last show. I wanted to call y'all afore, but I lost my nerve. I bin drawin' a bunch of them thar pictures fer y'all to look at. That shore was fun! Would y'all like to see 'em later?"
"Sure, Hortense," Dr. Asmoday said. "But I have to tell you that I can't be your therapist."
"Why the heck not?" Hortense demanded, looking dejected. "I thought you an' me clicked jest like a key in a padlock!"
"Well, that's why I can't be your therapist, Hortense. It's because of my personal feelings for you. I never thought I'd feel like this for an Undead, but you're a very special Undead. I wanted to bring you some flowers, but I knew there wouldn't be any place to put them. So I had them sent to your cousin's farm for you."
"Oh, Dr. Asmoday, y'all are the best!" Hortense squealed, throwing her arms around the shrink. Normally I would have thought it was a very touching scene. But I was pretty put out. After all, there was now a porno movie being filmed in my pub.
"Dr. Asmoday, I think I need to make an appointment," I said. "What's going on here today is really scarring my psyche."
With that I grabbed a bottle of Olde Rot Gut off the bar and took a big swig. Death Cheese kept playing as Axe Man leaped into the audience, swinging his axe. I swear he's an oblivious cuss! He didn't even seem to notice Brandi performing for King Smut's cameras right in front of everybody. But he did notice Hortense cuddling up to Dr. Asmoday. He charged towards the hapless shrink, swinging his axe. I popped him on the head with the bottle of Olde Rot Gut.
"Axe, I think maybe you need to do eliminations now," I said.
"Whoa! What hit Axe?" Axe Man asked.
"I don't know, Axe," I said. "Here, have a swig of Olde Rot Gut and get back onstage to do eliminations."
"Grace love Axe," Axe Man said, kissing my cheek. "Grace give Axe Olde Rot Gut."
"That's right, Axe," I said. "Now be a good boy and hop back on that stage and don't try to kill my customers, all right? It's bad for business."
Death Cheese wrapped up their song "Gratuitous Destruction" and Axe announced that it was time for eliminations.
"First Axe go to Xantha," Axe Man said. "Some people say that Xantha just want to make meal of Axe, but there something really hot about Xantha. You come get Axe."
I swear, Xantha is to The Flavor of Axe what Lacey was to the Rock of Love. The evil, flesh-eating bitch who nobody knows why the show's star thinks the sun rises and sets from her ass. Well, all right, I don't actually have proof that Lacey eats human flesh, but she does go into Steak Through the Heart with Arsewipe quite often. And she's so evil that I certainly wouldn't put it past her. But with Axe, what will it take him to see that Xantha is only interested in his meat, and I don't mean that in the pornographic King Smut kind of way!
"Next axe go to Black Metal Tinkerbell. Tink cure Axe headache. She always there for Axe. Tink, you come get axe now."
"Next axe go to Flowering Kudzu. Kudzu one hot mama! You come get axe."
"Next axe go to Brandi. Brandi NTV favorite groupie and one of Axe favorite groupies too. You come get axe."
"Next axe for Veronica. You really good dancer. You come get axe."
"Next axe for Bootz. Booty dance always good but Bootz have bad temper. Shouldn't hit Brandi. Still, you come get axe."
"One axe left but two girls. This real confusing. Lammy, good ass! But artsy fartsy posing not hot. Still, at least you not slobbering all over dumb psychiatrist man. You come get axe. And now, Hortense, heads going to roll."
I hit Axe Man in the head with the bottle of Olde Rot Gut again.
"Sorry, Buddy, not in my pub they aren't," I said.
Axe forgot everything a minute later as he grabbed the bottle of Olde Rot Gut and chugged down the remaining contents in one swig.
"Axe have big treat for audience," he said. "Now we have Nikki Sixx here for birthday with his band Motley Crue and they gonna jam with Death Cheese till closing time. Axe have new song I just think of a minute ago. It called 'Cheating Bitch.' So let me start and rest of band join in. One, two...uh..."
"THREE!" I shouted.
Death Cheese did win the SPAMMY awards for Loudest Band and Least Talented Band as well as Craziest Stage Show and Best Partiers. I'll have to shut down for a week to renovate because my pub was half-destroyed, but the 6,666,666,666 Quatloos I pulled plus the 666,666 Quatloo payoff that King Smut gave me for allowing him to film his dirty movie in my pub more than covered the repairs and I was 6,666,666 Quatloos ahead. Some people may put them down as talentless hacks, but I really love Death Cheese. Out of all the bands I feature they're definitely the biggest draw.
Ugly Grace
1 comments:
I heard that Quetzal Pretzel could twist himself around in such a position to screw himself!
Hortense was sort of picky, not liking Soggy's Spam. I take it that she is going to work for Dr. Asmoday instead of being his patient. Wonder how long that will last. But it might work, after all, Dr. Schitz married his nurse.
Guess we'll have to wait until next week to find out of Xantha gets a bite of Axe or if she gets the ax.
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